There is now new research out into how long it takes for a new habit to set hold. The old rule of thumb of 21 days isn't valid anymore. Instead, the anonymous "They" maintain that it takes up to 66 days of repetition to gain a new habit, or to replace an old, bad one with something better.
That works out at roughly 10 weeks per habit, if one is really focused, which would translate to 5 new or changed habits per year. That's totally doable!
#1: Be Nice to Myself
I tend to be really, really, really hard on myself. In fact, I have been known to say that if anyone else was half as hard on me as I am on myself, I would take a baseball bat and rearrange their facial features for them. I happen to know where this self-loathing comes from, and yes, I am definitely considering going into therapy so that I can learn to break the cycle. That's part number one of being nice to me.
Another part of this niceness-to-me habit is to simply allocate more time for me to do things that I love, such as craft work. It is about me making space for ME in my life, too, and not relegating my needs to the back of the queue every time.
The third part of this would be for me to start judging which requests from others are important and simply to say "NO!" to anything that doesn't matter. That would stop me from bending backwards to please others at a massive cost to myself. I'm sure my arteries and organs would thank me for the lower blood pressure and cortisol levels.
#2: Be Nice to Others
I have joined a group of South Africans online. We call ourselves the #ImStaying movement. It's not a political or religious group, but we focus on positive things about our country, as well as the small, but significant changes that we can bring about ourselves, outside of politics or religion or race or gender. Simply being kind to others is already a big thing in an extremely self-centered society and more so in a country like mine that is extremely polarized along race, color, wealth and gender lines.
I have a domestic help. Yes, I pay her a fair salary, but it's still one that I struggle to afford every month. Frankly, I don't have much extra cash! However, sometimes there is something I have to spare that I know she could use. Such as brand-new stationery for her youngest child who is going to nursery school for the first time this year! (I tend to hoard things like pencils and highlighters!) So, this morning I put together a package from the things I have in boxes all over my flat and gave it to her! It wasn't much, but the relief from not having to buy all the stuff on the stationery list was clearly visible on her face!
Small things really do make a huge difference.
#3: Spend at least 60 minutes per day learning or practicing a skill or hobby, whatever it may be
If I have learnt something over the past few years, it's that toxic relationships can really mess up ME. I mean that not only in the physical health sense of the word, but also in the more spiritual sense. The way I have always dealt with stress of any description is by being creative. Not being able to be creative, meant that that stress was never dealt with, and more stress added on top.
So, from now on, I shall do my hour of creativity every day, without fail. Relationship or no. Maybe that would make me a better person. And maybe being a better person would attract better people to me, ones that understand me and don't try to put me in a box that THEY are comfortable with.
#4: Put on makeup every morning before I leave the house, even if it's only lipstick!
God gave some people natural beauty. Unfortunately, I am one of those that need some extra help. There are some formulations that won't make me break out in spots and they are even environmentally friendly and ethically sound! So maybe I'll color in the canvas in the morning before work, just because I can!
The other thing that I am considering, is to have eyeliner tattooed onto my lids. It's not really "permanent makeup", as tattoos need to be touched up every few years anyway, but it's a much better solution than me trying to achieve perfect lines. And it's one more cosmetic that I won't be allergic to!
#5: Make sure the dishes are done every night before I go to bed
My bedroom door opens to a perfect view of my kitchen sink! As I am not a big fan of doing dishes, that is mostly not a pretty picture to be facing first thing in the morning. I have therefore decided not to go to bed at night if all my dishes aren't washed and at least put on the drying rack.