On the 30th of January 2020, he came to me with a terribly sad look on his face. Apparently, he had no idea how to put it gently, but living with me stressed him out so much that he felt it better to move out. He took most of his stuff the next day and he didn't want me to help him in any way.
Yes, it made me sad. I spent most of those first two days feeling extremely sorry for myself. Then the feeling passed.
The truth is that I had been in an abusive, toxic relationship for nearly two years and the only person who didn't want to admit it, was Yours Charmingly. (Denial is not only a big river up in North Africa!) Why not? Well, I have always maintained that I will never let a man walk all over me. Yeah, right! Until it happened.
So... it happened. And now it's over and I am in the process of picking up the pieces. THAT , my dear reader, is an extremely liberating feeling! Like spring-cleaning for the soul.
Actually, I'm cleaning house as well. Literally. There are still some of his belongings here, but I have sent him a message via some acquaintances that if his stuff isn't removed from my apartment by the end of February, I shall put it on the sidewalk for the recyclers to pick up. I'm sure they'll find something of value in there. I just want it gone.
I can't call him a leech. After all, leeches have well-documented medicinal value. So... maybe I'll call him a tick. Only good for sucking blood and spreading diseases.
It'll take a while for my finances to recover from the sponging, but it'll happen eventually. In the meantime, it's a good time to clean out my almost empty pantry properly, consolidate the many open and half-used packets of pasta (different shapes, but all in one container now! They'll taste the same!) and other foodstuffs, wipe the shelves properly and make a comprehensive list of what I need to purchase on my next monthly shopping trip.
The tick gas-lighted me by putting everything I used on a regular basis on the top shelves of the pantry cupboard where it would be an effort for me to see what I have in stock. And he hid my bottle of special coffee there, too, using it royally and all the while letting me believe that the household help took it. He went through my liquor collection in a weekend and drank a special bottle of bourbon that I was gifted by a colleague. (It would have lasted me the better part of a year.)
I would come home to find things broken. Small, but important things, such as a wine glass from a special day out wine tasting with my folks. Or a hair clipper that he borrowed from my mom. Or a glass rack in the fridge. Things that I either can't replace at all, or that I HAVE to replace, at cost to myself. He didn't contribute at all.
On top of that, he only wanted to eat beef or pork, as - apparently - he couldn't stand the smell or taste of chicken. Of course, my salary only stretches to red meat on special occasions, but that didn't change his mind. (Eggs don't count as chicken, apparently!)
I think what finally swung me towards my current positive state of mind, is the utter relief that now I have only to cater to one person - ME! My music, my Netflix, my schedule and - most importantly - MY health and sanity. Whatever I have in my wallet is mine to spend as I please. Or keep. Or anything in between. I only have to support me. That's already not very easy, but it's doable. And dancing wildly in the altogether can be fun! Who knew?
I also embarked on a new mission of "cooking for one", surfing the Internet for recipes for a single person that actually likes eating reasonably well. I found a great recipe site, by the way. It's One Dish Kitchen. Joanie Zisk has done an excellent job of reducing a whole collection of comfort food recipes to one-portion sizes. What I love most about it, is that none of the ingredients are branded. That means that I can find what I need in my local grocery store, half a world away. Way cool!
So, while I am still pretty broke and the pantry and fridge are empty, I have the opportunity to make up lists of things that I need to buy, but - more importantly - things that I WANT to buy for my own enjoyment. I have decided to spend USD 10 every month on things such as e-books and digital scrapbooking kits. Not an amount that would bankrupt me, but it would pay for something fun. Bonus on no delivery fees... hehe...
And yes, I am still planning to break away. Now I can do so, because I have only myself and the cat to consider.
That means that for the forseeable future, I am going to work on the Backyard Farm Business plan with a new-found vigor. No, I don't plan on applying for any financial aid, but it is always a good idea to have the whole plan on paper (or in the cloud) in case I need to swing the opinion of some well-intentioned relative who only wants to give me "good advice" and then proceeds to tell me how my dream is doomed from the start. You know the type. He or she has no idea what I have in mind, but just because it's me, it won't work.
The rest of 2020 will be dedicated to my single-ness. My living space will be sacred. That doesn't mean that I would refuse a good night out. Just that I am back to playing the field. And there is only one person to keep happy. ME.
Ps. I hear Brad Pitt is single as well. And sober! And he seems well able to support at least himself. Hmmmm.....